Is it Abuse? | Pharos

💡Not sure if you are in an abusive relationship?

If you experience one or more of the following signs, you may be experiencing abuse.

Are you experiencing economic violence?

He forbids or prevents me from working (e.g. he pressures me to stay at home, belittles my job, intimidates me if I work)
He takes or controls my salary or income (e.g. he demands I give him everything, he does not let me manage it as I wish)
He does not let me access bank accounts or cards (e.g. he keeps the cards, does not tell me PINs or passwords, does not show me how much money we have)
He asks me to take out a loan or make purchases in my name for him
He decides on his own how our shared money is spent without asking me
He does not give me money for my basic needs (e.g. food, health, clothes, personal care) or for the children’s needs
I feel I have no financial independence and find it hard to leave the relationship because of money

Are you experiencing physical violence?

He has slapped me
He has pushed or pulled me violently
He has pulled my hair
He has hit me with his hands or with objects (e.g. punches, elbows, kicks)
He has caused cuts or burns on my body
He has choked me or tried to choke me
He has threatened me or attacked me with a weapon or sharp object (e.g. knife, scissors)
He has threatened to throw acid or other chemicals at me
I have felt physical pain or discomfort, or suffered injury, because of his actions

Are you experiencing psychological violence?

He threatens to hit me, rape me, or harm me
He threatens to harm someone I love / my family
He threatens to take his own life
He threatens to take the children
He systematically belittles, insults, or humiliates me (e.g. he swears at me, mocks me in front of others, makes me ashamed of myself)
He constantly criticises me and makes me feel inadequate or useless
He constantly blames me and makes me feel guilty about everything
He controls what I do, where I go, who I talk to, or who I spend time with
He isolates me from friends, family, or relatives (e.g. he stops me from seeing them, badmouths them to me)
He makes me doubt myself, my judgement, or my reasoning
He makes me believe I am to blame for the abuse I am subjected to
He makes me feel guilty, afraid, or “incapable” so that I cannot make decisions on my own
I have lost my self-esteem or the sense that I can live without this person
I feel trapped, as if I have no choice but to stay in this relationship

Are you experiencing verbal violence?

He raises his voice or uses an aggressive tone to frighten me or “put me in my place”
He verbally threatens me (e.g. “you’ll see what happens to you,” “I’ll destroy you,” “I’ll leave and you’ll never see the children again”)
He swears at me (e.g. calls me “crazy,” “incompetent,” “useless,” “wh*…” or other offensive insults) when we are alone or in front of other people
He blames me for his own abusive behaviour
He accuses me of things I have not done or assigns me false blame
He constantly belittles me, mocks me, and insults my abilities, my opinions, or my appearance

Are you experiencing sexual violence?

He pressures me to take part in sexual acts or intercourse when I do not want to
He has used violence, threats, or intimidation to force me into a sexual act
He makes unwanted sexual comments or crude remarks when we are alone or in front of other people
He kisses or touches my body without my consent
He forced me to become pregnant when I did not want to
He forced me to have an abortion when I did not want to
He makes me feel that sex is my obligation as his partner
He makes me feel that sex is the only way to “calm him down,” even though I do not want it
I have been forced or pressured to perform sexual acts in exchange for money, housing, food, or other needs
He pushes me or forces me into selling sex or taking part in prostitution
He has promised me “help,” “work,” or “protection” in exchange for sexual acts
I feel he is exploiting my poverty or my vulnerability to push me into sexual acts
He is my employer, teacher, relative, or supervisor and abuses my trust or my need to push me into sexual acts with him or with other people

Are you experiencing stalking (harassment)?

He constantly calls me, or sends me messages or emails, even though I have made it clear I do not want contact
He follows me or shows up “by chance” where I am (home, work, when I am out)
He has approached my friends, family, or colleagues without my consent to control me or find out about me
He has sent or posted false information or accusations about me (e.g. on social media or elsewhere)
He threatens me directly or indirectly (e.g. “you’ll regret this,” “I know where you live,” etc.)
He has posted or threatens to post or share online or elsewhere sexual or personal material of mine without my consent
I feel fear, threat, or constant anxiety because of his behaviour, even if he has “not touched me”
I have changed my life (e.g. routes, phone number, address, social media) to avoid him